Welcome To St Andrew's Church, Newlands, Cape Town

It was sometime in the middle of last year that I saw a notice in the pew leaflet that St Andrew’s was running the Marriage Course and I thought longingly that this might be really worthwhile, but that I would NEVER get my husband to attend such a course. Anything that smacks of delving into feelings is enough to send him running off into the black night to avoid it. So I held my tongue and waited and then, when I found out that some of our good friends had signed up, I casually mentioned it and said that I would really like us to go too, and, in a rash and unthinking moment, Tim said “OK”. So it happened.

We were all quite nervous and uncertain when it began – unsure of what would be expected of us, but let me hasten to assure you that it is a very non-threatening experience and one that we found very worthwhile indeed. It is only on the first night that you mingle with everyone and after that it is an entirely private experience with each couple sitting at their own table and sharing a meal before working on the next session of the course

Needless to say it was not smiles and roses all the way – in fact there were some distinctly uncomfortable moments. No-one has a perfect marriage and often we slip into bad habits without even realizing it and being woken up to this can be a scary and disconcerting process. But it was all handled in such a competent, interesting and compassionate way that you were not left feeling destroyed but rather given insights into your marriage and tools to use to improve things.

The couple who ran the course were just so real and “normal” and full of humour that you did not feel daunted by them at all; rather you were uplifted and encouraged by each meeting and went home full of good intentions – just as we are at the beginning of each year! And in true New Year’s resolution style, there are some you act on at once and some that seem to slip into the background and get lost and have to be dragged back into the picture in order to be dealt with.

At the end of the course I was astounded at how each week had built on the last, layering one upon the other insights into how we operate as a couple, and in the process we were learning about ourselves.

There were times when I thought we should have done this many years ago as I would certainly have benefited from the experience. For example, when we had the session about families and in-laws, it was too late as we have had no in-laws on either side for about twenty years now. At that time it would have helped a lot.

My daughter and her fiancée came out from London and married at St Andrew’s. Before they came, Mike insisted that they attend a marriage preparation course. This they did at Holy Trinity, Brompton, and the couple who ran the course were the same Nicky and Cilla who run the Marriage Course that we attended here at St Andrew’s. What fascinated me was how much our young couple got out of the course and how very much they liked Nicky and Cilla. So now I can speak with authority and say that they will appeal to all age groups! Whether you have been married for 1 year or for 35, as we have, this course is so good and so very worthwhile that you should come out of it with some very positive information which might well have the effect of enriching and improving your marriage. In fact I feel it should be almost mandatory to re-do the course every 7 or 8 years, as you will be in such a different place each time and the reassurance and help and insights would enhance any marriage.

And to get back to the very nervous husband … he too thought it was an excellent course and while he had moments of discomfort, he felt that we had learned a great deal about each other and the different ways we have in approaching situations. It was such an eye-opener and definitely not something to do to repair a marriage, but rather a course which will enrich your marriage and leave you happier and more fulfilled that before. Can anyone wish for more?

Fay Hacker.